DEAR BERKELEY,

20 November 2008

THIS is why I love you… (please do yourself a favor and peep the FOUNDER’S MESSAGE.)

“Prevents conflict. Protects life. Personal actualization. Ultimate privacy. Relieve stress, harassment & negativity while using the VITAL ORBIT® Personal Human Force Field!

Composed of a hip/waist apparatus with 4 inch injectors under self-conducive iron barbells placed in the upper groin wrapping around to the lower-back with simple interface and controls. Worn discreetly under clothes, comfortable & hidden from view! Protects against both organic and inorganic intrusions!

The device channels users own Hydrodynamic activities to project a spherical charge armament against all material bodies and organic compounds. It produces a gentle hum like the murmur of a mother’s heartbeat, indicating the device is in full working condition!”

_garrett chow, esq. (a dark horse and member of the recondite family)