Snowstorm Session

2 February 2010

New York (Chinatown Newswire) — Despite sudden heavy snowfall last week, the Chinatown Soccer Club was able to complete its traditional morning training session and has made documentary images and video available exclusively to the Newswire.

Members of the CSC posed for a snapshot before a challenging practice match.

Khairi “King of Dribblers” Mdnor’s black outfit made him easy to spot for his teammates.

Sideline still life.

Paul “The Butcher” Carroll and Robbie Lee found a way through the heavy snow.

The club’s slick passing game was somewhat hindered by the unforgiving conditions.

Carroll scored from long range after breaking up a promising move led by Wyeth “The Hammer” Hansen.

Dan “The Danimal” Funderburgh’s attempted snowball penalty wrapped up the session.

Arctic Blast

30 January 2010

New York (Chinatown Newswire) — The Chinatown Soccer Club set a new record for the coldest match ever played at the Stanton Street ground earlier this morning, the Newswire has learned.

Temperatures hovered around 15 degrees Fahrenheit (about -10 degrees Celsius) at the 9 a.m. kick-off with a wind chill near 1 degree Fahrenheit (about -17 degrees Celsius).

Despite the arctic blast, Coach Stochl took some time out before practice to present midfielder Dan Morales with the Most Dedicated Fans Award.

“Dan somehow manages to get his wife and baby daughter out here on a regular basis to cheer him on which definitely deserves to be recognized,” Stochl said.

The CSC refused to cancel its traditional weekend training session despite the arctic temperatures.

Morales happily accepted the award honoring his fan base.

Awards Banquet Recap

26 January 2010

New York (Chinatown Newswire) — As previously announced, the Newswire is proud to present exclusive coverage of the Chinatown Soccer Club’s annual end-of-the-season awards banquet.

“The traditional holiday party and the awards given out during the festivities are an important part of this club’s history and help us wrap up the season in style,” Coach Stochl said.

As always, the banquet was hosted by local watering hole Loreley.

Goal poacher John Lee was happy to help blow up the balloons.

Jason “Goods” Goodman also worked on the decorations.

Justin “Crazy Legs” Fines and Dom “The Dominator” Neitz toasted another successful season for the CSC.

Zach “Kormega” Korman and Khairi “King of Dribblers” Mdnor sampled some of the German fare available at Loreley.

Left back Peter Rentz and the elusive Nicholas “Tricky Nick” Haggard discussed their respective dietary plans.

Dan “The Danimal” Funderburgh and Joel Barnard impressed with their tailored sports coats.

CSC enthusiast Justin Gallaher and goalie Vikram “The Terror from Bombay” Kansara happily showed off their party hats.

Stochl, Korman and eccentric Ecuadorian midfield magician Papi Lopez posed for a snapshot.

The beautifully decorated Loreley Lounge provided the prefect backdrop for the festivities.

Spanish powerhouse Rafa “The Rafweiler” Herrin-Ferri, forward Ayler Young and Goodman enjoyed the tasty sausages available at the German restaurant.

CSC legend Kang, defender Zien Li and midfielder Kaman Lam also posed for a snapshot prior to the awards ceremony.

Goalie Mike Sisk received the Comeback of the Season Award for his successful return from a devastating knee injury.

Rentz received the prestigious Most Improved Player Award.

Cyrus Chan was happy to accept the coveted Thunderstrike Award for his deadly left foot.

German defender Florian “Red Alert” Peter received the Fourth Official Award for his ability to spot even the slightest infringement from halfway across the pitch.

Elegant midfielder Lam received the Color Coordination Award for his impressive on-the-field wardrobe.

Li received the Straphanger Award for his hourlong commute to and from the CSC’s Stanton Street ground.

Kang received the first ever Lifetime Achievement Award for outperforming players half his age week after week.

Fines earned the Goal of the Season Award for his stunning left-footed strike against Psyop in last summer’s Fanatic tournament.

Chan, Kang, Rentz and Li posed with their awards following the ceremony.

The successful banquet helped tend another great year for the club in trademark fashion.

January Weekend Update

19 January 2010

New York (Chinatown Newswire) — The Chinatown Soccer Club welcomed back veteran midfield magician Hosi “Der Chef” Simon and Poet Laureate Laijon Liu as part of its traditional weekend training session, the Newswire has learned.

In related news, Coach Stochl presented American powerhouse Wyeth “The Hammer” Hansen with the Super Sub Award for never failing to turn up to practice despite oftentimes extremely adverse weather conditions.

The Newswire will follow up with exclusive coverage of the club’s annual end-of-the-season awards banquet later this week.

Simon and Liu posed for a snapshot prior to kickoff.

Hansen proudly showed off his award before linking up with his teammates for training.

Official CSC mascot Neuman kept a close eye on the proceedings.

Teutons

15 January 2010

New York (Chinatown Newswire) — Fans of the Chinatown Soccer Club had reason to celebrate this week as the formidable Germanic defensive partnership of Marco “The Berlin Wall” Spier and Florian “Red Alert” Peter both made their long-awaited comebacks from injury.

“The inconsistency with the back four has been a problem for us this season so having those two [Spier and Peter] back in the squad will inject some experience and give us options,” Coach Stochl said.

“Obviously both of them [Spier and Peter] are some way off being fully match-fit and the players who have stepped up while Marco [Spier] and Florian [Peter] were away have impressed me with their desire and willingness to learn,” the Austrian said.

“That said, we are lucky to have two defenders who have both seen it all available again and they will be given every chance to get back into the team,” Stochl said.

Peter and Spier posed for a snapshot following Thursday morning’s training session.

Sex Scandal

13 January 2010

New York (Chinatown Newswire) — Several Chinatown Soccer Club players are facing severe disciplinary action after it emerged that they recently took part in what a well-placed source described as a “sex party” at the studio of popular forward Ryan McGinness.

Surveillance camera footage obtained by the Newswire along with the official invite to the party and an explicit flyer (all shown below) will undoubtedly force the hand of club officials, especially since Coach Stochl reportedly attended the festivities as well.

“The behaviour of any individual that adversely affects the image or good name of the Chinatown Soccer Club is obviously disappointing, and we will be handling this matter internally,” a club spokesperson said.

Messenie Visit

11 January 2010

New York (Chinatown Newswire) — The Chinatown Soccer Club’s Coach Stochl paid a visit to injured striker Mike Messenie over the weekend to check in on the player’s “mental state,” the Newswire has learned.

“You have to be in the right frame of mind to come back from such a serious injury, but I’m confident that Mike [Messenie] will return to lead the line as strong as ever,” Stochl said.

The Austrian was accompanied by wingers Joel Barnard and Justin “Crazy Legs” Fines who were happy to lift a few pints with their injured teammate at his local watering hole in Brooklyn.

In related news, CSC goalie Mike Sisk took a blow to the face during Saturday morning’s training session (see below) but did not suffer any lasting damage despite the arctic temperatures.

Messenie is currently on crutches but hopes to be able to take part in light training by early spring.

The hardware implanted just above the forward’s injured ankle will eventually allow the California native to add even more power to his trademark thunderstrike.

Barnard, Messenie and Fines posed for a snapshot during the broadcast of the Seria A classic between Juventus and Milan.

Sisk suffered a bloody nose after a collision with Swedish powerhouse Jakob Daschek.

Funderburgh Print

6 January 2010

New York (Chinatown Newswire) — Midfield dynamo Dan “The Danimal” Funderburgh has produced a stunning soccer-inspired print entitled “Chinatown Flat Ball” which is available exclusively through Arkititp, the Newswire has learned.

Funderburgh once again teamed up with teammate Justin “Crazy Legs” Fines who assisted with the elaborate printing process.

Funderburgh’s print has reportedly been popular with CSC players and staff.

The intricate printing process is evident in the detailed view shown above.

The piece can be folded into a soccer ball.

Fortunately, Funderburgh’s artwork is decidedly more on point than his most recent effort from the penalty spot.

Happy New Year

5 January 2010

New York (Chinatown Newswire) — The Chinatown Soccer Club kicked off the new year with an early morning training session in subzero temperatures today, the Newswire has learned.

“A lot of our players spent the holidays with their friends and family so it was good to get them back out there and start getting rid off some of the extra pounds they’re carrying,” Coach Stochl said.

The CSC enjoyed a productive practice match despite temperatures in the low teens.

Winter Vacation

3 January 2010

New York (Chinatown Newswire) — The Newswire’s staff is currently enjoying a well-deserved break but will return with its patented mix of breaking news, features and commentary later this week.